Shove emotions down way deep
They sometimes pour out, right before I sleep
I cannot give up, because if I do,
Then my mom might die, and I might too.
I’m always a good bargainer when it comes to shopping. Going to different countries, you get the full experience of how people rip you off. You have to ask for a third of the price they originally offered you, and work you way from there. I love doing it, it’s a game and a challenge for a trinket.
I never thought I’d have to bargain for a life. I mean, i can’t actually control any of that kind of stuff, but i tried. When my mom called me this weekend telling me she had breast cancer, I didn’t realize what could happen. She said she’d make it, i started crying. Being so far away, it’s hard not to.
She said not to worry, she’ll have years left on her. I wanted at least 50 more. Is that to much to ask? No. She said 40. I said 60. and on. I didn’t want to play this game.
And through all of this, there is nothing you can do. You can pray, you can beg, you can act confident and hopeful. Even have faith. But in the end? she will die. The bargain for me then, is happiness.
“Don’t say that,” the Lord replied, “for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and take care of you. I, the Lord, have spoken!"
